minutemonk

Fellowship 6 - Da Ring King

He looks like he’s only just now realising rings go on fingers.

I'm not usually a plot hole kind of person, but these movies are extremely long, extremely detailed and have already had their structural integrity extremely shattered by having been shoved through the narrative meat grinder that is the art of film adaptation. So let's go ahead and tear this scene apart.

The ring is by far the most powerful weapon in the history of the known world. At this moment, the ring is hanging around the neck of a king who is currently super famous because he killed the last guy who had it; a guy who was also super famous because he was the greatest manifestation of evil the world had ever seen. A famous ring on a famous king who just killed another famous king. Middle Earth *knows* this man.

The king and his party get jumped by — I’m guessing here — bandits, or monsters, or perhaps just wandering remnants of Sauron's fading army. (Let it be known that my phone’s dictation spelled “Sauron’s” perfectly, but “party” took three tries. Thanks, Tim1.) The king disappears in plain sight in the middle of the battle, reappears in another location entirely and then gets riddled with arrows by multiple foes.

I guess my point is, how do you not dredge that fucking river? How do you not go to the nearest village, steal every bucket and shovel they have, then come back and scoop the riverbed until it's dry?2 Yes the ring has a mind of its own, okay fine, but so do the angry, desperate and revved-up bandits who just saw the shiniest dude they’ve ever seen put on a magic ring and vanish into thin air. Dredge the river!

I think my main take away from all of this is that I need to stop watching Game of Thrones. That franchise treats its magical weapons like they’re tactical nukes in a modern military skirmish, but Rings clearly wants things to stay more arcane and unknowable.

  1. It didn’t even get “Tim”!

  2. Or, you know, just *dive in*? It’s like ten metres deep, max.

#fellowship